I know what conversation is coming. I spent so much time reading birth stories and reading books about pain management and interventions during labor. I had chosen a midwife group for the sole reason that I knew they had lower C section rates and that they let the woman be in control of her birth. I had told Zach countless times that I knew a majority of C sections could be avoided and that I was going to ask about all my options before agreeing to that.
"At this point, I'd like to discuss moving on to a C section." John continued to tell us that the way I had progresses throughout the day indicated to him my pelvic cavity wasnt going to allow baby out without a fight- it could be 8-10 hours of pushing yet!
I was calm and asked questions about letting me continue to move him down. I was absolutely exhausted- luckily I hadn't been in pain all day but my body was still doing all the work of contracting regularly . I felt so defeated. Not because I had done all that work towards my "dream" delivery to see it end in C section anyways but because my head was telling me to deny the C and push for natural delivery and my heart wasnt in it. I was going to give up.
Zach and I had talked about it previously and we agreed I would do what the dr recommended so I knew Zach was ready to get the show on the road. I told John that yes, I think it's best that we move forward.
He left, and the tears fell. Now I was scared. What if I could feel it? What if I needed to be put completely under? I don't even go to the dr for illness and have never had surgery, holy crap what is going to happen?! Luckily Zach was totally prepared with the right answers. I had done a great job so far, we were so ready to meet our little guy, and John was confident in his decision and trusted the OB so we should be too!
Dr Eckhart arrived and was very warm and funny. she made a joke about being the source of my tears but instantly made me feel better. She explained my options and risks. (My options being do this or stay pregnant, ha). It would only be about half hour before baby was here!!
The anesthesiologist was very cut and dry and didn't seem very nice. She needed to determine if I could just get a boost on my Epi or if a spinal was needed. I passed the test and would only need a little extra juice.
In true Fairview fashion, the original time line of 30 minutes to baby was pushed back due to an emergency. So of course that leaves our family a little worried thinking they should have heard from us by then. The nurses got Zach suited up and prepped me with a hair net.
Finally, they started rolling my cart. Oh, the nerves! Zach was not allowed to come with me until they determined my Epi would work. We enter the room which was SO bright. Lights and shiny metal instruments everywhere. There were also about 8 people in there. All for me?! They transferred me to a tiny table and started strapping my arms down. It seemed most of the attendants ignored me but there was one really nice blonde nurse who made me feel like everything would be ok.
The Epi was inserted and they started poking me to see if I could feel it. At first I could and I panicked. But after a few minutes, there was nothing. I was ready!!! Zach still hadn't arrived and the drs started doing something behind the curtain. I asked John to go get him. Before he even entered the room, I heard the words "first incision now." Holy cow.
Zach finally say down and he looked as nervous as I felt. But he talked to me and we even noticed that the drs were so comfortable performing a C section they were discussing completely random things- TV, food, etc. The other people in the room were just buzzing around. There was a brief minute where it just felt like Zach and I- waiting for them to tell us our son arrived.
It was probably around 5 minutes from Zachs arrival that I felt the final big tug. We couldn't see him yet but we heard the words "it's definitely a boy!" and then heard that little squeak. I had prepared myself to feel some emotion but had thought I wouldn't cry. The dr said "Dad, stand up and see your son," and within seconds they lifted him just high enough for me to see him too. Words cannot describe how beautiful I thought he was, how strongly I felt the need to grab him, how perfect that moment was. I know they always say that you'll never forget it, but wow. I will never forget MY baby coming over the top of that sheet. I looked at Zach who just whispered through his own tears, "he's perfect." And truly, he was.
They were going to take baby Abraham down to be weighed so the midwife told Zach where to go. He kissed me on the forehead and left. I laid on that table and cried and cried. The only thing I could hear were those cries coming from the other side of the room. I cry now and everytime I think about it. This belly that moved and I talked to sometimes and I bought cute clothes for was no longer an intangible thought- it was MY baby, crying on the other side of the room.
Zach came back holding Abe while they stitched me up. That part took over 20 minutes but it was still just a flash of time. The nurses took pictures of us and the drs talked amongst themselves. Eventually they inflated an air bed underneath me and transferred me to a bigger bed. I entered the room alone, scared, and left the room with a family, not feeling anything but joy.
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