Zach stayed with me in the bathroom and tried to get me to think about drinking beer on our honeymoon while Caitlin paged the anesthesiologist. Jill (the midwife) returned and started explaining all the risks of the epidural and again told me she knew I could do it on my own. I told her I would still think about it as I was very scared of a big needle in my back but I wanted her to order it, I could always change my mind while I waited.
They removed me from the bathtub and I could barely get to the bed. The change in position seemed to help slow down my contractions, so I said that out loud. Of course, before I could finish the sentence, I had another level 10 contraction. I could literally not get control of my body, my thoughts, anything while I was having those strong contractions. I was able to think about keeping a low "moo" sound coming out and keeping my mouth open, but before long, those low noises became growls mixed with panicked screams. Caitlin, Jill, and Zach continued to tell me what a good job I was doing but I felt like they were just telling me that. Meanwhile, Zach is getting kind of scared for me, and Caitlin and Jill are having whispered conversations about how many contractions I'm having and the punctuality of the anestesiologist. Jill tells me that if they had given me pitocin, she would have turned it down by now. I tell her I feel like I'm never getting a break and she agrees with me-she says I'm getting strong contractions just one on top of the other-I must have a strong ptiutary gland in my brain signaling that it's go time. I of course think that means that I'm causing the contractions to be so bad.
I didn't want to be "that girl" questioning "WHERE IS MY EPIDURAL?" but I was beginning to feel like I was going to lose it. I asked after about an hour since I had ordered it. Caitlin tells me she will re-page him. After ANOTHER half hour of pain so bad I was blacking out (and vomiting!) they say they are going to make me a priority. Turns out the anesthesiologist wasn't getting the pages. D'oh. But, he's making me number one.
Jill then scares me with her speech about how I absolutely cannot move while they put the needle into my back- it will cause the epidural to fail and all kinds of bad things. She needed me to hug her while the Dr. did his work. Instantly, the contractions were scared out of my body. I stayed as still as could possibly be. The Dr was kind of weird guy and I briefly entertained the idea of denying the Epi because I felt like he didn't know what he was doing. But Jill continued to hug me and I'm pretty sure I felt instant relief-not even just the feelings of pain, but I no longer had the feelings of panic overtaking me.
They settled me into the bed since I knew that is where I would remain for the rest of the labor (this was originally my biggest reason to deny an epidural- I wanted to be able to walk up and down the hallways and MOVE to the most comfortable position during my labor). I could feel everything calming down. Within 20 minutes or so, I felt like I could sleep even. It was heaven. They got Zach blankets, made me comfortable, and checked my cervix- I was now at a 6 at around 430 am. Good progress. They said they would return at 630 am. I slept and greatly enjoyed it.
At 6:30, Jill returned to say good bye and tell me John would be my new midwife. She tells me that I made the right decision and she hopes to see me again soon. John enters and Zach and I feel very comfortable with him. He jokes around, tells us he can't wait to see how large our baby really is with our tall Zach is, and in general gives me a lot of comfort that I'm going to have an amazing experience.
Cervix check says I'm at a 9 and my water has broken! Zach and I immediately look at eachother with joy that we will be meeting our kid in the next couple of hours. John says I'm still very posterior so don't get my hopes up, and I will need to labor down for quite some time. At this point my contractions have also slowed considerably, so they say they want a pitocin drip. Pitocin was THE number one med i said i wouldn't take, and here in the moment I didn't have a second thought-we were both so overjoyed to be making progress. We told our parents the good news, which got them excited too! How great to escape induction and get so far with dilation over night. Home stretch!
The nurse Allison gets me apple juice and makes me comfortable. Essentially we know it will be at least 3-4 hours before anyone even comes to check me again. The really "boring" part of my labor begins- I know people on the outside were anxious to hear news but inside the hospital we were fairly content to just hang out and watch TV.
The hours ticked by. At noon I was 9.5 but still posterior- Baby would not move into my pelvis. The pitocin got turned up as high as they were comfortable with. Thank goodness for epidurals! Again, we sat and slept.
230PM- John tells us that I'm a 10, and he doesn't imagine the baby moving on his own. Lets try to "practice push", and see if I can push him down into the birth canal. I keep asking questions- why won't he move? Is it his big head? Is it because he's sideways?
The nurses hold my legs and we push through every contraction. I can't feel anything. I can't tell that I'm pushing and I can't feel any pressure from baby, something I know I'm supposed to feel. The nurses encourage me with every push, telling me I'm doing what I'm supposed to. I can see on their faces they are not impressed. I ask if I'm moving baby. They say no. I use that as motivation and imagine the baby just pushing his way up and out. They give lots more encouragement. I imagine John coming back and him being wowed by my progress. That baby is closer and I'll see his squishy face soon.
To be continued...
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