Tuesday Sept 3: went in for a non stress test with a new midwife. She tells me crazier things have happened but that she will see me Friday for induction- just didn't look like I would go in my own. I was ok until we were almost home, then I cried to Zach about my feelings regarding an induction. I wanted to have that true surprise "I'm in labor!" moment.
That night I woke up around 1 am with "contractions." Looking back, I think they were either phantom contractions that I wanted so badly or Braxton Hicks. I texted Zach who told me to get rest and then went to the couch to sleep.
Wednesday, Sept 4: I just did not want to go to work even though I knew I should. I decided to call in and tell them I had some contractions so was going to wait them out and come in at noon. Noon rolled around and I was so tired I couldn't open my eyes, so i napped. The guilt was totally overcoming me knowing that if I didn't have the induction until Friday my manager would think I'm lazy.
Zach got up and we went on a few walks to see if I could start the contractions again. They were very on and off-maybe 1-2 every couple hours. Zach decided we should leave the house and I chose Target so I could get some new makeup. We walked around FOREVER looking for fans, garbage cans, makeup, etc. I definitely started having some contractions- the kind that took my breath away and I had to grab Zach's arm and stop walking. Eventually we headed to Freestyle Yogurt so Zach could get a treat. I had a small amount but didn't eat much-it seemed like the contractions stopped! We got home and turned on House Hunters and talked about making it to morning so we could bring Jett in to daycare. I was having random back pains but I couldn't tell if I was fabricating them because I wanted contractions or if they were just sore back from bad sleeping. Zach was getting worried about me but I kept saying that I just didn't think that it was time. I didn't want the midwives to think I was jumping the gun! Within 20 minutes Zach told me I didn't have a choice- even if they weren't contractions, something crazy was happening in my body and he wanted to get it checked out.
The drive to the hospital was brutal. Walking into the dark hospital was exactly how I pictured it and at the same time, not at all what I pictured. We were all alone it seemed. They got me hooked up to a monitor and I was discouraged immediately as it seemed the nurse was not impressed with the strength of the hills and valleys on the screen. She just kept saying that it was the midwives decision if I got to stay and I knew I was in agonizing pain. Finally a midwife, Jill, came in and said I was definitely having good contractions and the nurse did a cervix check- I freaked out from the pain- and was told I was at a 4! I could stay, thank god.
The hospital did not seem very busy and we were escorted to a large birthing suite, which we were stoked about. The nurse, Caitlin, actually said she thought I should start in the bath tub because I wanted to go without an epidural- the bath tub would take the edge off my pain. I originally said no bath tub because I knew I would feel so awkward with my big old pregnant belly bobbing around in a bath tub but the pain was bad enough that I agreed. Zach helped me in and Caitlin and Jill explained to him how to pour water over my belly when I got contractions and then explained to me how to moan effectively through them. Caitlin said it was her job to give me the birth experience that I wanted- which if it meant no Epi, then she would talk me through the whole thing and that she could tell i was a strong girl. Even though I was doubting it in my head already, I felt like everything I had read said to just really focus your energy on the beautiful things happening to your body and to keep a clear head. The labor could be controlled by me-if I could breathe through and relax during the contractions, the med-free experience would be mine.
The contractions started getting closer together, starting every 2 minutes. Caitlin could tell I was panicking. She sat with me and had me think about my happy place and do some relaxation techniques. I kept telling her how scared I was, that the panic I had about yet another contraction starting was overwhelming me. I asked her about an epidural. She told me that she knew I could do it on my own but would let Zach and I talk about our decision. She was so nice but I still felt like I was disappointing her. Zach came in and I had a contraction that I would rate a 10 on the pain scale- I was screaming and thrashing around. I couldn't catch my breath and Zach and I agreed that if I was going to get our son out safely, I needed a clearer head. I was confident the epidural was a good choice.
To be continued :)
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